Your thoughts are not always you.

Photo by Caleb Frith on Unsplash

If I hadn’t done that, then.

I wouldn’t be feeling this way, now.

If only, this part was fixed.

I would figure the other ones out.

What wouldn’t I do to go back in time?

And amend those decisions.

If only, this heart was stronger then.

If only this mind, more accepting.

Of me. My anxieties. Myself.

Whole, completely.

And not just a part that worked.

Because it hurts now, to know.

That everything I was then.

Made me everything I am now.

If only.

I kept thinking of it.

Until I couldn’t anymore.

Wrapping myself in a blanket.

I let the thoughts wander.

Freely in my mind.

Without supervision.

And slowly, they began turning me.

Into a silent version of my fears.

My if only, and what ifs.

Because that’s what the mind is best at doing.