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I Struggled To Be Still And That’s Okay
Taking care of your mental health involves failing to do so too
It was an early weekday morning in August, when I sent an email to my manager titled: Burnout/Leave. I remember waking up after having a work-related dream, and feeling overtly drained despite the 8-hour sleep. It seemed to me that my mind had forgotten to turn work-mode off, even when it needed to. My body felt limp, mind numb and breathing shallow. My manager replied, saying “happy to let you take some time-off.” Finally, I took an entire week off from work, earlier this month. Contrary to my expectations, my mind apparently did not receive the leave memo.
The first morning of the leave, I was feeling relaxed and up about the day. Two hours later, all my anxieties had decided to sit beside me, while I sat on the floor waiting for the coffee to brew. By mid-week, I was struggling to keep my mind away from work-related dreams and thoughts. My fingers ached to check work email and get back on slack. If not work, my mind began racing towards finding other avenues to ‘seize the day’.
I was stunned at my behaviour. For someone who has consistently worked towards maintaining professional and personal boundaries, this was a shocker. I felt how a runner would feel after crossing the finishing line, running farther away because…
